At the Bottom of the Well Looking Up–Complacency in Loneliness

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Being too comfortable often breeds inaction.

Loneliness is rarely linear–sometimes, you’ll hit periods of intense inspiration and awe of the road ahead of you. Other times, you’re at your lowest of lows, wishing someone or something could resuscitate such an unyielding existence.

For many of us, the possibility of regaining control of our lives and creating the life we’ve always wanted seems like an impossible dream. The light at the end of the tunnel seems so out of reach that we learn to live completely in the dark.

Much of learning how to live in the dark in this metaphor is essential. What’s even more important however is that we are constantly moving forward to our ultimate destination–wherever that may be. There is very significant difference between embracing the dark and dwelling in it.

Ideally, we should absolutely learn to be happy on our own, without the validation of others to make our lives worth something. This is what it means to embrace the life of loneliness we have before us–to become okay with the company of ourselves in the current moment.

Over time, we will get really good at being lonely…

…so much so, that we almost forget to keep moving towards the light as we sit at the bottom of the well. We forget how to take chances on the world–we forget what it is like to put ourselves out there, only to be shut down. Maybe, we even become too afraid of the world beyond the well, that we sort of give up on it completely…

Always be conscious of your current state, and drive yourself to make the changes necessary to get your life where we want it to be. We certainly won’t get it right the first time around–and that’s okay. It isn’t about getting it right. It is about inching our way forward–however blind we may be. The experiences of our journey will make this battle all worth it in the end. Without challenges, it is nearly impossible to grow…

And so after many attempts and many failures, we will have mastered the world below as we look forward to a bright future beyond that seemingly unattainable and forever unknown light.

The ascent must press on!

-Lonely City

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Embracing the Dark–Living with Loneliness

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Loneliness should always be embraced.

Despite how difficult it may be for us to dwell in the absence of good people who understand us, loneliness handled with maturity and grace is a true sign of depth of our character. We often find ourselves resisting it, and thus try to plug up these gaps in our lives instead of submitting to and acknowledging what has befallen us. Admitting to ourselves that we are lonely is not a sign that our lives have gone wrong. In truth, it is a sign that life is proceeding exactly the way it should.

Feeling this way is a basic part of the human experience. In the same way that all of us will someday die, loneliness is inevitable–avoiding it without acknowledging the good that we can take away from the experience is often a missed opportunity of individual growth…

…and so..

…embrace it.

Embrace the uncertainty of the future…

Embrace the possibility that we may never find true connection…

Embrace the dark.

When you embrace the fact that you are lonely, you are removing the shackles on your feet that hinder you from doing something about it. With this new found freedom and open mind, you can finally begin making positive changes to you’re life. It all begins with a positive frame of mind. In the moment, the loneliness can be devastating. Given much time after many lonely walks in the rain or sitting quietly listening to our favorite songs by the window sill, we can find peace in our current place in the world.

Remember: where we are in our lives, lonely or not, is temporary. Someday, things will be different.

You’ll see. 🙂

-Lonely City

 

What going to the bar alone has told me about loneliness

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In more recent years,

I’ve grown accustomed to taking some time to be alone at a a place where people typically gather for drinks after a hard day’s work–the bar. Having done this for the past couple of years, I find myself curious about the lives of my fellow patrons at the current moment and have concluded one thing through much people watching–we are, generally, uncomfortable with being good company to ourselves.

It’s typically pretty rare these days to see people sitting alone at a bar (at least where I tend to go) and as if out of a sort of compulsion, people are quick to whip out their smartphones and occupy themselves, rather than enjoy the quiet and stillness the current moment offers.

At first I thought “maybe these people have important matters to attend to” which, of course, could be the honest truth. Maybe this time at the bar is finally the moment in their day when they could browse the internet, mindlessly scroll through Facebook or catch up with friends. I’m willing to bet money however that most of us bury ourselves in our smartphones during these lulls due to it being a safe place for us to go when we feel uncomfortable.

Perhaps, it means something to us to give the outward appearance that we aren’t alone even if we are indeed just that in a physical sense. Unfortunately, I think we tend to frown upon those who are in company only to themselves at social gatherings, so I suppose it makes much sense that we would subconsciously try to eliminate the notion that we are indeed by ourselves by showing others we have a life where we are connected to others through our smartphones.

When I’ve realized this, it all seems so…poignant. That is, that we have this fear of being perceived a certain way from those outside of ourselves. I’m totally guilty of this too. It can feel alittle awkward at times when you’re sitting at the bar quietly while everyone else is engaged, and so out comes my pocket sized safety blanket to relieve some of the tension.

Being alone with one’s thoughts and simply existing in the moment in quiet contemplation is something that we could all truly benefit from, and yet their exist a sort of resistance to the idea of being able to sit down and do absolutely nothing. I wonder if things were always this way, or if technology has given us an escape from, essentially, ourselves.

I don’t know. What I do know is that it is worth it to try and enjoy simplicity whenever we can. Who knows–maybe we will discover that we ourselves are pretty cool people to spend some alone time with.

-Lonely City